


What Happiness Feels Like

by GoldenSparrow



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Asexuality, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24447514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenSparrow/pseuds/GoldenSparrow
Summary: Then there’s Stiles.  Stiles is loud and obnoxious and a bit of an ass but he’s also kind and loyal and brave.  Derek likes him, though he would never admit it.  And he trusts Stiles, he trusts Stiles with his life.  The last person he trusted was Laura and he hopes that he doesn’t have to lose Stiles too.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 6
Kudos: 169





	What Happiness Feels Like

Derek’s used to people using him. His cousins would use him for his access to his mom, the Alpha (everyone wanted face time with her but his family was just so big). The kids at school used him because he had money. And Kate used him to kill his family.

She was twenty-five when he was sixteen and looking back that should have been the first sign, but she didn’t seem to want anything from him other than his company. He hadn’t had that before, especially not from a girl (woman) and so he let it happen. He let her drive him around and park in dark side streets and alleys so they could make out. He let her fuck him in the back seat of her truck, rough and unforgiving. He let her kill his family.

It was all his fault. Just because he wanted attention.

When him and Laura finally reach New York, Derek tells her. She cries for close to an hour, cradling him to her chest like he’s a child. A week ago he felt like a child, now he just feels old and weathered. He tries to keep his internal suffering from Laura, doesn’t want her to be sad for him when she’s already so sad herself. He thinks she can tell though.

They live in New York for three years and at some point Derek had scored himself a job as a bartender. It’s in a seedy bar in downtown Manhattan, but they pay him well and since he’s technically not old enough to be doing this job it’s all under the table. He gives everything he makes to Laura but he can tell it’s still not enough. Their apartment is dingy and the ceiling leaks when their upstairs neighbor flushes the toilet and there’s never enough food in the fridge.

It’s a Tuesday when it happens. He’s coming home from work, so he’s still got on his tight clothes (he gets better tips when he dresses promiscuously), and a car pulls up to the sidewalk where he’s standing, waiting for the bus.

“Hey baby, wanna take a ride for some cash?” The guy in the car looks sleezy but he also looks rich. 

Derek can’t see a reason why not.

After that it happens all the time. He goes to work dressed in a little less than usual and when he’s done he goes to stand at that same street corner, where he knows men will roll up, looking for a quick fuck. He wants to be ashamed of himself but he just can’t find it in himself to care.

When Laura asks where all the extra money is coming from Derek tells her he’s been pulling overtime at the bar, stocking inventory and cleaning the floor after hours. She mostly believes him. 

Three years after his entire family is killed in a fire Laura dies. He knows it’s another wolf because even though he feels the bond snap shut, he doesn’t get the Alpha powers. Derek is devastated, he quits his job at the bar and instead stands on the street corner for hours on end, picking up John after John.

Once he picks himself up enough that he can think past his own misery he gets into Laura’s car, the one that used to belong to their dad, and heads for Beacon Hills. The drive is long; Derek gets hungry halfway through, can’t remember the last thing he ate, but he doesn’t care enough to stop.

Driving back into his old town is the hardest thing he thinks he ever had to do, and he’s had sex with strange men for money. Everything is the way he left it but also so very different. Finding a job here, especially without a high school diploma, is virtually impossible. He does odd jobs for people one town over, where no one gives him looks of pity or disgust. He can’t afford an apartment so he sleeps on a crusty mattress in his burnt shell of a house.

He thinks it should hurt more than it does but he just feels numb.

The world keeps turning. Derek blinks and suddenly, he has a dead uncle and three wolves of his own. They treat him like he hung the moon and he feels guilty. He knows that he adopted them from horrible lives, but he still can’t help but wonder if he only made it worse. He prays and prays and prays that he doesn’t ruin their lives like he did his own.

Then there’s Stiles. Stiles is loud and obnoxious and a bit of an ass but he’s also kind and loyal and brave. Derek likes him, though he would never admit it. And he trusts Stiles, he trusts Stiles with his life. The last person he trusted was Laura and he hopes that he doesn’t have to lose Stiles too.

Stiles likes to insert himself into Derek’s pack business, even though Scott steadfastly refuses to be a part of the pack. He doesn’t mind because Stiles is actually super smart and can seemingly solve any riddle that Derek puts in front of him. When he gets hurt Stiles is the one he goes to, instead of licking his wounds alone.

“You really need to be more careful about galavanting around town in the middle of the night. It’s like you’ve forgotten how many big baddies are out there waiting to eat you.”

He’s right about the monsters waiting to eat him. Derek had grown complacent, he’d all but forgotten about her (as much as you can forget anyone who murdered your entire family) when she shows up. She grabs him on his way over to Stiles’ house and keeps him chained to an electric fence for two days, touching him up and down his chest and his arms and at one point she even squeezes his crotch. He can feel her nails digging into him through his jeans and he wants to vomit. 

He’s never been so happy to see his pack as when they burst through that door, Stiles in the lead clutching a baseball bat. Kate doesn’t make it very far after that, Stiles has her cornered up against the far wall, bat poised and ready to strike when she says,

“Did Derek tell you he was the one to kill his family? All I had to do was fuck him and he brought me right to them.” She blows a kiss in his direction, “Don’t pretend like you didn’t like it, darling.”

Stiles brings his bat down onto her right shoulder with a satisfying thwack and then brings it down again and again and again till she’s on the floor, her face wet with blood and tears. He stops when she begs, and only to wordlessly hand the bat to Derek who gets in two solid hits before throwing it aside and ripping her throat clean out.

Later that night, he climbs into Stiles' window to find the bedroom void of the hyperactive boy and sits down on the bed to wait. He must have fallen asleep because next thing he knows Stiles is kneeling down next to him, gently shaking Derek awake.

Derek doesn’t remember much between here and leaving Kate behind in a pool of blood, but he must not have gone home because his hands are still caked with blood. Stiles grabs him gently by the arm, leads him into the bathroom, and sits him on the toilet. Then he gets a washcloth and makes delicate work of cleaning Derek up. He starts with his hands, then his arms, then his neck, then his face. Derek lets him work in silence, looking off into the middleground, but when Stiles gets to his face they make eye contact. 

The boy's stare is heavy, so full of concern and fondness and he’s beautiful. Derek didn’t think he was capable of these feelings but all he wants is to curl up with Stiles in bed, and let the boy hold him until his heart doesn't hurt so much. He thinks that maybe Stiles wants that too, because after he puts the washcloth down he runs a shaking hand over Derek’s cheek and goes in for a hug. He moves in slowly, slow enough to give Derek time to pull away.

Derek lets Stiles hug him and then he drops his head to the boy's shoulder and cries.

He cries for his family, who burned. He cried for Laura, who was murdered by her own uncle. He cries for Peter, not the uncle who killed his sister, but the one before the fire. He cries for his betas, who deserve something better than him.

And for the first time in three years, Derek cries for himself.

“It’s going to be ok, Derek. She can’t hurt you anymore,” Stiles has a hand fisted in Derek’s hair and he can feel tears dropping onto the top of his head, “I’m here for you. Right here; and I’m not going anywhere.”

Derek’s nineteen and for the first time someone likes him just for him. It’s a weird feeling but good, better than he ever thought he’d get. After that, Stiles and Derek are together all the time and Derek stops pretending not to like him. He tells Stiles that he’d always liked him, he was just scared, scared of being used. Scared of being abused.

They’re just friends but Derek thinks he wants more. Thinks, because even though he wants him emotionally, he doesn't want him sexually. Derek doesn’t think he’s ever wanted anyone sexually. Even before Kate. Even with Kate.

Stiles convinces him to go back and get his GED, says it’s not too late and Derek trusts him. They’re on the floor of Stiles room, supposed to be studying but goofing around instead. Stiles has cheeto dust on his cheek and a pen mark near his chin and Derek thinks he’s never seen anyone so beautiful. 

Stiles is still smiling when Derek leans forward and kisses him flat on the mouth.

The other boy goes rigid and Derek panics, leaning back and making to leave when Stiles grabs his arm and yanks him back down. He’s still smiling. He’s still smiling and Derek can’t help but smile too. They don’t kiss again, instead they watch a movie on the bed and sit close enough that his entire left side tingles. He thinks that’s what happiness feels like.

It’s been so long since Derek’s been happy, but Stiles makes him feel as though he could fly. He makes Derek want to be better, for his boy and for himself. They look at apartments for him together and when Derek gets too overwhelmed Stiles takes him by the hand down to the kitchen and teaches him to make brownies from scratch. Derek thinks they might be in a relationship but Stiles doesn’t say anything so neither does he.

Two months later find them making out on Derek’s new bed in his new apartment. Stiles is on top of him, a warm, steady weight and Derek thinks he could stay like this forever, with his boy pressed up against him and their mouths exploring each other’s. Too bad he has to go and ruin it. 

When Stiles presses a hand up and under Derek’s shirt his mouth goes dry and ashy and he bolts out from under the other boy, straight into the bathroom where he vomits into the toilet once. Twice. Three times. He can feel Stiles hovering behind him, obviously worried, but he doesn’t turn around, just rests his head on the seat of the toilet bowl.

“I don’t want to have sex.” He groans, dry heaving into the toilet.

“Ok, that’s fine,” Stiles’ voice is soft and placating, “Can I rub your back?”

He gives a short nod, which he immediately regrets when his inside roil and he’s vomiting again. Stiles big hand is on him though, rubbing in large, soothing circles, “I don’t want to have sex ever. Ever.”

“Ok, that’s fine.” His hand doesn’t once stop its movement and Derek can’t hear the tick of a lie in his heartbeat.

Things are even better after that. They talk about it again once Derek is able, and lay out boundaries for him, what he does and doesn’t like. Stiles is so understanding that Derek almost waits for the other shoe to drop before remembering that he trusts him completely for a reason. 

Derek is twenty and Stiles is seventeen when he’s introduced to the Sheriff. They’d met before, on the night his family was killed, but not since. He’s scared that Stiles’ father will see him and hate him, that he’ll think Derek is too old and turn him away. Neither of those things happen. Instead, the Sheriff shakes his hand with a firm grips and tells him he’s heard a lot of good things about him.

They eat steaks and sit outside until it gets too cold, then they go inside and watch a movie. When he leaves, the Sheriff (Call me John) shakes his hand for the second time that night and invites him over again next week. Derek’s chest feels full at the approval and then even more so when he sees Stiles’ clearly please expression. He loves making Stiles happy. 

He loves Stiles.

Derek wakes up on a Sunday, twenty-two, and he just knows. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Stiles, listening to his passionate rants and watching him flail; seeing him at their dinner table poured over books and books of whatever his latest interest was. Stiles gets home at five and by that time Derek has set up dinner, candles and everything.

“Wow, so fancy, to what do I owe the honor,” He’s still in his uniform, greasy from working on cars all day, when Derek kneels. He can tell Stiles realizes what he’s doing halfway through by the unabridged joy that lights his face.

“Stiles,” he takes his boy’s hand, “I love you. I am so in love with you. I want to wake up every morning to you and make you the happiest man alive. I don’t have a ring or anything...I didn’t really think this through but... will you marry me?”

He can barely make out the word through Stiles’ screech but he’s positive it’s a yes.


End file.
